Hello best life seekers!
Are you living under a mountain of stress? Do you feel trapped or caged? Are you going around in circles about decisions that need making?
The following techniques will bring you immediate relief from stress if followed.
WARNING: These 3 techniques will dramatically change your life.
#1 – Let Go of Other People’s Problems
Best life seekers, are you horribly concerned about your colleague’s problems or worried about the decisions your brother or sister is making, or involved in the problems your parents have? Are you constantly helping them but getting nothing in return except heartburn and heartache because they either don’t listen to you or depend so much on you that you feel like you’re drowning? If this is you, here’s something that helped me on my path to freedom.
I was always taking on other people’s problems because I cared about the people in my life – colleagues, family members and friends. Thing was, I could never fix their problems for them and some of these people were like energy vampires in that they never learned their lessons and would depend on or expect more and more from me rather than stand on their own feet and stop the behavior causing their problems.
When I realized I wasn’t responsible for their mistakes or their happiness, my life changed. A colleague told me the magical phrase that I’ve use time and again to stop myself from volunteering help:
“Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
This really helped at work to cut down stress. When people wanted me to solve tedious computer problems or were spinning over personal issues they needed to address on their own, I’d demure help even if asked or tease them that they got three free questions before they had to pay me for my services in chocolate chip cookies. We’d all laugh but I’d smile and say, “I’m serious.” Because I was kind but firm in my terms, people learned to stop coming to me with their B.S. unless they had chocolate chip cookies, at which point I was happy to help. Stepping back from family dramas took a lot more effort and finesse.
If you are an empathetic individual, you probably like to help others and want to see them win. This is great but it can cause problems in our lives when we don’t realize others are responsible for their own choices and the consequences of those choices. This also applies to friends, parents and especially adult children.
These are hard, thorny situations to disentangle from, particularly if you believe you “should” or “have to” help these people who are bleeding you dry emotionally or financially. But this is your life. They have their own. Bailing them out only teaches them to count on you for help.
It especially takes strength to walk away from family problems. If you derive your self-worth from feeling useful and needed by others, even saying no to colleagues or a stranger will be difficult. But do you want to kill yourself and your happiness over someone else’s problems? Or would you rather be free?
Breathe easier and learn the hard lesson that all of us are only responsible for our own lives and not the lives of others. We may choose to take on the problems of others but if we do, we must realize it is a choice. There is no “should” or “have to,” just a choice where the decision is neither right nor wrong.
Let go of those problems that chain and confine you. You’ll feel instant relief.
#2 – Be Yourself
Do you feel like you’re living a lie, putting on masks for others? Do you feel inauthentic and it’s wearing you down and stressing you out? Do you just wish you could be yourself?
Put down the masks. Accept and step into who you truly are. We were all born to create the world we want to live in, not mimic the dreams and expectations of others.
One of the hardest challenges in life is being true to ourselves. The world, society, our peers, friends and family all have ideas about what’s best for us and how we should live our lives. This can be in the form of gender roles, familial obligations, career expectation, marriage and children, and ideas about religion, politics and diet. Everyone has ideas. The trick is realizing what makes you blossom and shine as a unique individual in this world of infinite possibilities.
When we straightjacket our dreams, we cage ourselves. The result is stress, anxiety, resentment, and misery. Most of us know these feeling intimately. How’s that working out for you?
While it can be frightening to take the first steps down the road to your best life, in time those hesitant, faltering steps become confident and joyful strides. Stress melts away and you start finding better problems cropping up in your life – like should you travel in winter to southern Spain or Australia? You want these problems, not the ones that come from repressing your inner light.
#3 – Stop Flailing and Make the Decision
Are you worrying over decisions, perhaps afraid of mistakes or scared about what could go wrong or how a different decision might be better?
When you’re driving yourself and everyone around you crazy over dithering, it’s probably time, as a family friend liked to say, to sh*t or get off the pot. Similarly, when a decision tears you apart either way then there is no “best” way and you can only pick one that seems to have the best potential or the most amusement or does the least damage. Most times the stress comes from deciding and once made, we have our energy, focus and direction back.
Life is uncertain. We can’t see the future to know how things will play out. We can only do the best with the incomplete data at our fingertips. Successful people know this and make the hard decisions that have the best potential to move them forward.
Follow their example and make the important decisions you’ve been putting off. You’ll immediately feel purpose replace your stress and anxiety.
Cutting Down on Stress
Most modern stress arises over inner conflicts and fear. Look at why you take on other people’s problems, are not true to yourself or can’t make a hard decision. Isn’t it based off fear? Aren’t you making yourself miserable over fears of what other people expect or think but feel conflicted and stressed because your inner self wants something else?
Learn to listen to your inner voice and follow these three stress reducing techniques. Maybe these techniques are easier said than done but when you make them a practice, they get easier over time until they are second nature.
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